Saturday, June 24, 2017

I'm Not Weighing Myself Anymore - Day 5 - More Days

June 23, 2017

Italian food
Pizza, pasta, tasty breads
It is exquisite.
                                                                                     ~ Victor Allen


Daily goals report: 
·         Weigh in – didn’t.  Still.
·         Meditate – hard to meditate in Victor’s room . . . unless you count gazing at his toys, his belongings, reminders of his eleven years of accumulation of his presence and being on this planet what it is . . . a grandmother’s meditation in love.
·         Walk – Did my PT exercises for my knee, and seven hours driving.
·         Eat – started with pancakes.

      Other goals report:
·         A little voice filled with melodies and laughter from Mica – aka: Mean Cat – in the Aristocats is more music than any person may be entitled to in a day.
·         Ordered a picture frame for the painting I gave Doc
·         Guest Haiku poet today – Victor Allen.
·         Writing, this.
·         Happy Birthday to Sarah Garst, former veterinarian for the beloved Allen dogs, Copper and Moe.  You charged us a paw and a tail for your services, but we did learn that cool trick to spot fleas.  Many happy returns of the day.

      Today was the quintessential grandma type day – breakfast was chocolate chips pancakes (and coffee for adults) followed by attending the theatre where seven year old Mica played “Mean Cat” in The Aristocats production put on by her summer theatre camp.

      Who is Mean Cat? You don’t remember her in the original Disney movie?  Well – Mean Cat is a compilation of four cat characters from the movie, combined into one character because there were not enough actors to fill all the alley cat roles.  And as Mica, namer of this combined character would know, if you represent four personas (catsonas?) you’re going to carry at little of the meanness of each of those cats.

      Today was also a quintessential mom day - baking pizza with Victor, grocery shopping with Mica – things I did every day with my own kiddos a couple decades ago.  I wish I would have been aware at an earlier age, at a mom of young children age, that life is a journey that every person travels.  We all have the same final destination – the final ending point.  Instead of remembering this shared conclusions, I used to hold the illusion that somehow the goals I set, large and small, were ends: when the kids are all in school . . . when we pay off this debt . . . when we get the house we . . . when I get the job . . . when the kids are all adults . . . when I don’t have to . . . .      

     Age brings clarity and satisfaction for me.  I know that when one milestone are not ends.  When one milestone is passed, another will be visible on the horizon to replace it.  I accept the reality of the present moment, maneuvering through it as peacefully and joyfully as possible.  I hold no more illusions that those shapes and shadows on the horizon are anything that I own or control.  

      My prayers, if I were to pray, would be to ask for more days of connectedness to those who give meaning to my life, more days with glimpses of untroubled memories, more days of luscious participation.  More days.
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