I am happy to announce that I have NOT weighed myself since I pledged not to on my birthday back in June. I don't have a sense that I have varied very far my my last weigh-in, and I am satisfied with that feeling. If there is any anxiety, it is in an upcoming doctor's appointment. My doctor has patients weighed at each visit, so it will happen. Whether or not I want to be told the number is another matter. Hmmm . . . . .
Truth be told, if I were interested in a weight measurement right now, it would be the weight of the stress and vulnerability that I hold, that many around me hold. I tell myself that I am a non-anxious person handling a high stress job, I tell myself that "I've got this."
Yet today, this sunny fall day, I have struggled to see clearly in moments of metaphorical darkness. Fortunately, I've had a few moments of alone time to close my eyes and meditate. As I closed my eyes and allowed darkness to wash over my mind, the words of David Whyte's poem, Sweet Darkness flowed through my thoughts:
The world was made to be free in. Give up all the other worlds except the one to which you belong. Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.
I know what world I belong in. I know who and what does not bring me alive. I am claiming a larger space to live in. That is all.