I now own a better view
of the rising moon.
~ Mizuta Mashahide
I feel like my house has burned so many times . . . relationships turned to smoldering ashes that refuse to burn out and scatter; trust in a bronze age myth that holds love and wisdom as well as misogyny, hate, and fear; life set on goals that turned out to be tinder for a large fire; societal norms that burden many and benefit few. . .
I will say, as my metaphorical houses have burned and smoldered, I learned that the heat from the flames and red hot coals warmed me with knowledge that I did not posses before the fire began. Always, at some point I looked up and saw the moon, view free of walls or roof.
I do still find myself hanging around piles of ashes and blackened timbers, poking through the ruins to see if there is anything that survived the fire, anything that could be salvaged to build the next structure. For the strong elements that survive - jewels, hard metals, stone - I am grateful. These items, tempered by the flames, will become corner stones for what comes next.
After each fire I try to take some time before I begin rebuilding. I gather the things that survivied and lay them all out on the ground to see the patterns or possibilities for the next structure.
The moon laughs as I go through this uneven cycle - sometimes years between fires, sometimes only a few hours. If she has taught me anything, it is that everything happens in cycles. Her cycles turn in predicable phases, mine rebel and ignore pattern or plans.
As I've lived my life's cycle, I have learned to build my houses a bit differently, to not become too attached to them and to use more stone than wood. I know the smaller the structure, the less maintenance is required; the more windows, the more I will see the sun and stars; the more people I invite in, the more help there will be if the fire comes again.
Tonight, unsheltered, I am watching the moon rise again. As my soul and eyes grow heavy, I look around to see what I salvaged from the last fire. As plans turn into dreams moon beams shower me with the light of healing and restoration, unemcumbered by roof or walls.