Family Therapy

        

There are many reasons for the adoption of passivity as a defense; in our experiences one common one is that it serves the purpose of warding off murderous feelings.                                                                                                                                                              ~ Boszormenya-Nagy & Framo

Several months ago I rescued some old tin type photos from a family cedar chest.  There were men, children, couples, families, and these two women in the lot.  None of the pictures are labeled with dates or names of subjects, but I imagine that if they are not my relatives, they are at least beloved friends of ancestors. In sharing the picture of the woman on the right, I had some laughs with family and friends - along with speculation as to the cause of the disheveled look. Secretly, I love the woman on the right most.  I imagine that her DNA is what fuels my own genetics.   I was always the daughter, sister, cousin, friend, mother, wife, neighbor - who had wild hair, the look of a person who just rushed in, the untidy and untidying. 

I don't know why, but from the moment I saw the photo of disheveled woman, I felt a kinship with her. I imagine that she, like me, felt compelled to claim the seed of consanguinity discontent as her own for her generation. Or was she just bold and beautiful, comfortable with not conforming to expectations held by others?  Either way, I feel there was struggle in her story.

Today when feeling a bit sad, I decided to find my old friend, my possible ancestor, to inspire me to either move on or claim and embrace my disheveled woman self.  When picking up the tin type of the photo on the right, the one on the left was stuck to it. I noted that there seemed to be some similarities between the two woman, so I did some photoshop sleuthing.  Magnified examination reveals that these are the same woman, her Dr. Jeykll and  Sister Hyde shots.   The woman is wearing the same choker - a black ribbon with leaf-shaped pendant - in both pictures.  Her facial features are identical when imposing one face over the other.  

What led to this transition we see in the later, wilder photo?  Is that a scar on her face in the photo on the right?  Or just an artifact of old photography?  Did she find happiness and contentment in life? What could she share with me about life that I have not yet learned?  Will I ever know who she is? Did she ponder her progeny?  Am I even her progeny?  What could I share with her to make life more joyful, more real?  More bearable?  

Most of my questions can only be answered with conjury and magic.  All I can say is - thank you, whoever you are - for making me feel a kindredness to your life; rest in peace knowing that perfect is not the place all your descendants seek.