Possibly Teachable
They mistake the pointing finger for the moon.
They are idle dreamers lost in form and sensation.
~ from the "Song of Enlightenment"
Another year passed, another opportunity for a large-scale, communally celebrated re-set . . . if one chooses to engage re-setting in such public ways. For me, instead, I have followed my yearning for a few days of near isolation to process the past twelve months.
Looking back, honestly, is a somewhat new practice for me. About five years ago I started in earnest to try to take a peek back every night as I examined my day - what did I like about the day, what did I dislike? when was I showing caring and empathy, when did others show me caring and empathy? when did I feel most connected to life, when did I feel most disconnected? At the end of the year, or any time I feel it is necessary, I try to isolate myself for a few days and think of these questions as they apply to a whole year, not just a day.
Another year passed, another opportunity for a large-scale, communally celebrated re-set . . . if one chooses to engage re-setting in such public ways. For me, instead, I have followed my yearning for a few days of near isolation to process the past twelve months.
Looking back, honestly, is a somewhat new practice for me. About five years ago I started in earnest to try to take a peek back every night as I examined my day - what did I like about the day, what did I dislike? when was I showing caring and empathy, when did others show me caring and empathy? when did I feel most connected to life, when did I feel most disconnected? At the end of the year, or any time I feel it is necessary, I try to isolate myself for a few days and think of these questions as they apply to a whole year, not just a day.
That is what I have been doing these past few days. I will show mercy and spare you all the details of angst, anxiety, sadness, anger and fear that have been a part of the examination. And to be fair, I will then also omit the moments of bliss and peace that showed up as well.
To summarize, what I discovered is something that spiritual teachers have been warning us about for ions - I have been staring at my finger, rather than the moon it is pointing to. I like to believe that I have not stared at only my finger the whole year, that I saw the moon clearly more than once. But, I can not be sure of that.
Now that I have spent these days looking at my life, myself, in a bare-naked way, I have a plan to begin this next span of time, 2015. I will begin this year with what Anne Lamott defines as a "great prayer." This great prayer is my my honest look at myself - degraded and isolated, swimming in the consequences of my best thinking and actions of 2014. Anne would say that at this moment I am possibly teachable.
Amen. That is all.
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