Kwan Yin's Quest

Deepening self-love

is not for the squeamish or

shallow of spirit. 

Kwan Yin (or Quan Yin, Kuan Yin) is the compassionate Bodhisattva whose quest is to bring a deepening of self-love to the world. This is one scary thought for many of us.  To deepen our self-love, we must fully know, accept, and honor who we have been, who we are now, and who we hope to become.  

Kwan Yin's quest reminds me of something I read of our "true self" in Parker Palmer's book A Hidden Wholeness.  Parker likens one's true self to a wild animal.  We know that they are lurking somewhere in the darkness of our fear-filled forest.  Occasionally we'll glimpse the creature darting behind a tree.  The possibility of coming face to face with it makes us stop and draw a quick breath. Our heartbeat races.  We are as equally terrified of coming face to face with the elusive creature as we are by missing an opportunity to see it up close.

It is only when we go slowly and quietly, when we still our heart, that we will be able to find our true self and coax it to stay with us.  Sudden movements, shouting, chasing, or wailing will only drive it back deeper into the woods.  

I like to imagine that one day my true self and I will have met and that we will have come to terms with each other.  We will decide it does not make sense to have one of us living a feral life, not known to family or friends, while the other has to put up with bank accounts, laundry, weight loss plans, and re-writing by-laws for every organization she belongs to.  

My real-self and I will make an agreement.  She will remind me that all I really need in life is sunshine, rain, air, a bit of shelter, and food that the earth gives up freely.  I will occasionally treat her to ice cream, binge-watching made for TV series, and driving in cars rather than walking everywhere.  

Because I learned from my last two relationships that all my expectations may not be met, that maybe some of those expectations were even a bit unreasonable, I will not expect her to totally move in and take care of me. Although, that is the loveliest thought I can imagine right now.  I wonder what her hopes are for me?